On the Game…

Do you ever get the feeling that this country is about to fall apart at the seams? In brighter economic times, this government ‘invested’ in tax cuts for the super rich. ‘Cos they, like REALLY needed the dough. Meanwhile, I’ve spent a year trying to get counselling for my trauma, during which time I’ve been […]

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Stay in the Light

It’s funny, but when I’m sleeping outside, I am so on the ball, so adrenalised. Even with no sleep, so alert. I swear I could plan and direct the invasion of Belgium or Bhutan before breakfast. Not that I’d particularly want to. But the survival instinct is strong in me. All my instincts are. When […]

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Locks

I recently found a safe place to sleep, for now. A room with a roof and a door and a key and a lock. I felt relieved. Then (and I swear this is life trying to teach me something) the lock inexplicably broke. I got it fixed but I don’t like sleeping in an unlocked […]

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Karma

I remember the first time I went begging. I wasn’t homeless. Not all homeless people beg and not all ‘beggars’ are homeless. By the way, I detest the word ‘beg’ but I will use it for these purposes. I prefer to say, ‘asking for help’. I was living in temporary accommodation in Newbury Park. It […]

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Sleepwalking

My thoughts, amid the fog of exhaustion, were ‘Well if I die tonight at least I die fighting. Not being slowly driven to insanity by sound.’ At least this way I had my fate in my own hands. Anger also propelled me when at 2AM I shouted ‘f*** you’ to the back entrance of Marks […]

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Priya

It’s getting harder to venture into Ilford. I ALWAYS cry at some point, just so long as no one is looking. But usually it takes an hour or two. Today it happened as soon as I stepped off the bus. Perched on top of a bin was Priya, looking scrawnier than ever. Last time I […]

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Give us a cigarette

Even the mundane days are eye-opening when you’re in the gutter. I went to the Welcome Centre for lunch yesterday feeling a bit downhearted and rejected, it’s a fairly common feeling if you’ve been on the streets. It’s hard to trust human beings again and sometimes you can be your own worst enemy, pushing people […]

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My first chapter

My first chapter.. Here’s where things get spiritual and a bit weird. Hold onto your hats. You are never closer to God than when youre lying in the gutter… Chapter One. List of impossible things “Crazy the mystic’s song But what if they’re right all along? Trust what you cannot know And pray til your […]

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Dead Man Walking…

Bloody Marks and Spencer. I detest them now and I want justice for what they do to homeless men and women, I may need your help with this one… They’re not completely to blame for Josef’s death. NOT completely. Probably not even mostly. There are a lot of culprits who should be named and shamed. […]

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